I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
