if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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