so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
