Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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