6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
