You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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