Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
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