did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
