everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
