is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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