I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
