Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
He better not be in your backpack
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
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