Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
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