The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
