i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
