It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Randomize