I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
