I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
