And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
