I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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