I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
