Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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