im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
