he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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