you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Randomize
