He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
