dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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