Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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