so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Randomize
