turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
