i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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