dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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