Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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