remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
