Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
tell your sister to shave her snatch
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Randomize
