so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
