Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
What did we do last night that was yellow?
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Randomize
