I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize