i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
