Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
