do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
