so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Every concussion has its silver lining
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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