Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
