so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
