he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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