is your mom at the bar?
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Randomize
