You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
cat food counts as protein by the way
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
