OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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