Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Randomize
