New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Verdict: uncircumcised.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
