she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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