Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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