you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
