so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
