office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I need mimosas to revive my soul
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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