I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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