alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
