Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I just blew my weed a kiss
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
