If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
