Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
