i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
