i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
