the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
