Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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