i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
