and you said cock pushups were impossible
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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