i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
