The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
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