My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Randomize
