Capitaan dildo arrescate!
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
