Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
