I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
